The Adventures of Roderick Random

Diving for a Dinner

The landlord offers to introduce them to the practice. He leads them to a certain lane, demonstrates by diving into a cellar and vanishing, and tells them to follow. Roderick descends successfully into the middle of a cook’s shop, nearly suffocated by steam from boiled beef. The establishment is filled with hackney coachmen, chairmen, draymen, and footmen out of place or on board-wages, eating shin of beef, tripe, cow-heel, or sausages at separate boards with dirty cloths. Roderick stands uncertain whether to stay or leave.

An Accident at the Ordinary

In his descent, Strap misses a step and tumbles headlong into the ordinary, overturning the cook as she carries soup to a guest. The soup scalds a drummer of the foot-guards sitting nearby, who leaps up and delivers a volley of execrations while dancing in agony. The cook curses Strap, who lies under the table, and applies a salt poultice to the burn, stripping the drummer’s stocking and pulling off skin in the process. The drummer’s yells intensify, and he seizes a pewter pint pot, squeezing it together with a horrible grin. Roderick orders the salt washed off and oil applied, bringing relief. The cook then demands payment for the ruined pot, but the drummer refuses to pay for anything beyond what he ate, threatening prosecution for damages. Fearing responsibility, Strap promises to satisfy the cook and orders gin for the drummer, which composes all animosities. They then sit down and dine deliciously on shin of beef, their reckoning amounting to twopence halfpenny each, including bread and small beer.

CHAPTER XIV

Strap’s Scottish friend, a language schoolmaster in London, subjects the narrator to a withering critique of his shabby appearance and carroty hair, urging him to purchase a wig before calling on Mr. Cringer. When they attempt to visit Cringer the following morning, Strap’s overzealous knocking on the door results in an unsavoury deluge from a window above, and his subsequent act of smashing the door with a stone forces them both into a hasty retreat through unfamiliar streets. A stranger then encounters them, demonstrates unexpected honesty by returning a dropped half-crown, and treats them to drinks at a public house, where he flatters the Scots before proposing a game of whist that eventually escalates into high-stakes piquet. The narrator’s initial good fortune at the cards table swiftly reverses, leaving him bereft of all his remaining money after the two strangers depart, and Strap categorically refuses to provide even a sixpence to console him.

Visiting Strap’s Friend

In the afternoon, the narrator and Strap visit Strap’s Scottish friend who operates a school in London, teaching Latin, French, and Italian, with a particular focus on English pronunciation through an unconventional method. Despite being under forty, the schoolmaster stoops considerably, his face deeply pockmarked, and he speaks in a dialect the narrator finds nearly unintelligible. Dressed in a plaid night-gown with a sergeant’s old sash and a periwig fashionable in Charles II’s reign, he receives Strap courteously and, upon learning the narrator’s identity, reveals he attended school with the narrator’s father. He examines the narrator closely, exclaiming at his disheveled appearance and warning that no Christian would admit such a figure into their house.

The Schoolmaster’s Advice

The schoolmaster promises his assistance through advice and otherwise, then directs the narrator to a nearby periwig warehouse. He insists the narrator not appear before Mr. Cringer until he has discarded his “carroty locks,” which he claims would inspire universal antipathy. Before they depart, the schoolmaster calls the narrator back, warning him to deliver Mr. Crab’s letter directly into Mr. Cringer’s own hand.

Purchasing a Periwig

Strap boasts about his ability to procure quality wigs and argues with the merchant so persistently that he is repeatedly asked to leave. Eventually the narrator selects a handsome bob wig for ten shillings. Back at their lodging, Strap removes the narrator’s objectionable hair immediately.

Denied at Mr. Cringer’s

Arriving early at Mr. Cringer’s door, informed that he conducts business by candlelight before attending his lord’s levee, Strap enthusiastically operates the door knocker so loudly that he alarms the entire street. A window above discharges a vessel’s contents onto Strap, soaking him to the skin, while the narrator escapes. A stern footman demands to know who made such a noise and, upon learning the narrator’s business, slams the door in his face, declaring he must learn better manners. Incensed, the narrator rebukes Strap, who responds by hurling a large stone at the offending house’s door, smashing the lock and fled. The narrator pursues him until they find themselves at dawn in an unfamiliar street.