Middlemarch

CHAPTER LXVII.

Happily Lydgate had ended by losing in the billiard-room, and brought away no encouragement to make a raid on luck. On the contrary, he felt unmixed disgust with himself the next day when he had to pay four or five pounds over and above his gains. His reason told him how the affair might have been magnified into ruin by a slight change of scenery, if it had been a gambling-house that he had turned into, where chance could be clutched with both hands. Nevertheless, though reason strangled the desire to gamble, there remained the feeling that he would have liked to gamble, rather than take the alternative which was beginning to urge itself as inevitable.

That alternative was to apply to Mr. Bulstrode. Lydgate had so many times boasted both to himself and others that he was totally independent of Bulstrode that he had been creating for himself strong ideal obstacles to the proffering of any considerable request on his own account. Still, early in March his affairs were at that pass in which men begin to perceive that the act which they had called impossible to them is becoming manifestly possible. With Dover’s ugly security soon to be put in force, with the chance of daily supplies being refused on credit, above all with the vision of Rosamond’s hopeless discontent, Lydgate had begun to see that he should inevitably bend himself to ask help from some one.

A note from Mr. Bulstrode requested Lydgate to call on him at the Bank. A hypochondriacal tendency had shown itself in the banker’s constitution of late, and a lack of sleep had been dwelt on by him as a sign of threatening insanity. He wanted to consult Lydgate without delay. He listened eagerly to what Lydgate had to say in dissipation of his fears, though this too was only repetition. He then said he contemplated at least a temporary withdrawal from the management of much business. “I think of changing my residence for a time. I shall close or let ‘The Shrubs.’”

Lydgate’s thought, when Bulstrode paused, was that he had perhaps been losing a good deal of money. Bulstrode then continued: “I shall consider that I withdraw other support to the New Hospital than that which will subsist in the fact that I chiefly supplied the expenses of building it.” Lydgate said he feared the loss to the Hospital could hardly be made up. “Except by some changes of plan,” said Bulstrode. “The change I mean is an amalgamation with the Infirmary, so that the New Hospital shall be regarded as a special addition to the elder institution. The medical management of the two shall be combined.”

“The loss to the Hospital can hardly be made up, I fear,” said Lydgate. Bulstrode replied that the only person who might be counted on as willing to increase her contributions was Mrs. Casaubon, who had informed him that though she had destined the chief part of those funds to another purpose, she was willing to consider whether she could not fully take his place in relation to the Hospital. Lydgate said, “I suppose, then, that I may enter into the subject with Mrs. Casaubon.” “Precisely,” said Bulstrode. “But not at present: she is just setting out on a journey into Yorkshire with Sir James and Lady Chettam.”

Lydgate, whose renewed hope about the Hospital only made him more conscious of the facts which poisoned his hope, felt that his effort after help, if made at all, must be made now and vigorously. “I have slipped into money difficulties which I can see no way out of, unless some one who trusts me and my future will advance me a sum without other security. The result at this moment is that it would take a thousand pounds to clear me. I find that it is out of the question that my wife’s father should make such an advance. That is why I mention my position to the only other man who may be held to have some personal connection with my prosperity or ruin.”

Mr. Bulstrode replied without haste, but also without hesitation: “I am grieved, though, I confess, not surprised by this information, Mr. Lydgate. For my own part, I regretted your alliance with my brother-in-law’s family, which has always been of prodigal habits. My advice to you would be, that instead of involving yourself in further obligations, you should simply become a bankrupt.” “That would not improve my prospect,” said Lydgate, rising and speaking bitterly, “even if it were a more agreeable thing in itself.” “It is always a trial,” said Mr. Bulstrode, “but trial, my dear sir, is our portion here, and is a needed corrective. I recommend you to weigh the advice I have given.” “Thank you,” said Lydgate, not quite knowing what he said. “I have occupied you too long. Good-day.”