不可儿戏：一部给严肃人的轻喜剧

Part 5

Cecily produces the blue-ribboned box of letters and the bangle with the true-lover’s knot, explaining that she was forced to compose his correspondence three times a week. The engagement, she continues primly, was broken off on the twenty-second of March because a serious engagement should be broken at least once, but she forgave him before the week was out. Algernon kneels and calls her a perfect angel; she runs her fingers through his hair and asks hopefully whether his curls are natural.

Then comes the complication of names. Cecily confesses her girlish dream of loving someone called Ernest—the name inspires absolute confidence. Algernon suggests he might be rechristened, and she agrees that Dr. Chasuble, who has never written a book and therefore knows a great deal, can certainly handle it.

He dashes off to arrange it, and Merriman announces a Miss Fairfax on important business. Cecily receives Gwendolen with suspicious politeness, but the two are soon charmed by each other’s sweetness and agree to be called Cecily and Gwendolen at once. When Gwendolen mentions her father Lord Bracknell and delivers her theory that the home is the proper sphere for the man, Cecily stares through her own fond gaze at this thoroughly formidable creature.

Then Gwendolen learns that Cecily is Mr. Worthing’s ward—her Ernest’s ward—and politely wishes she were forty-two and plain. Cecily, equally stung, wishes Gwendolen were a trifle older too. Each reveals she is engaged to Ernest, and each produces her diary as proof. The civility curdles rapidly. Tea is served, and under Merriman’s restraining eye, they exchange poisoned compliments about walks in five counties, the absence of flowers in the country, and agricultural depression. Cecily puts four lumps of sugar into Gwendolen’s cup when sugar is declared unfashionable, and serves her an enormous slice of cake when cake is declared unfashionable as well. Gwendolen rises in indignation and warns Cecily she may go too far.

Jack’s arrival breaks the standoff. Gwendolen asks whether he is engaged to Cecily; he laughs and offers his cheek. Cecily sweetly announces that the gentleman is her Uncle Jack, her guardian. Algernon appears, and Cecily confirms that this, at last, is Ernest. Then Gwendolen reveals that her cousin is Algernon Moncrieff, and Cecily recoils in horror, asking whether his name is really Algernon. He cannot deny it. The two girls embrace each other protectively while the men groan, and together they demand to know where the real brother Ernest is hiding.