『真面目が肝心：真面目な人々のための些細な喜劇』

Part 6

Jack, with immense reluctance, confesses the truth: he has no brother Ernest. He never had a brother, and he certainly has no intention of acquiring one. Gwendolen gravely informs Cecily that neither of them is engaged to be married to anyone at all, and the two young ladies sweep into the house, observing that men are so cowardly.

Left alone, Jack accuses Algernon of Bunburying in his garden, and Algernon replies that this has been the most wonderful Bunbury he has ever had. He coolly eats muffins while Jack rages, explaining that one must always eat muffins quite calmly—the butter might otherwise get on his cuffs. When Jack protests that this is heartless, Algernon offers him tea-cake instead, and a furious tug-of-war over the muffin dish ensues. Algernon finally announces that he cannot leave without dinner and has arranged to be christened Ernest himself at a quarter to six. Jack points out that he has booked five-thirty for the same purpose, and the absurdity of two simultaneous christenings is debated at length, complete with medical warnings about the hereditary nature of chills.

The curtain rises on the third act in the Manor House morning-room. Gwendolen and Cecily watch the men from the window, observing that they appear to have some sense of shame left because they did not follow them indoors at once. The men approach whistling some dreadful British opera air, and the girls preserve a dignified silence that produces, as Gwendolen notes, an unpleasant effect. When pressed, both Algernon and Jack freely admit they invented their brothers solely to have an opportunity of meeting the women they love. The girls, though skeptical, find the explanations stylistically adequate—Gwendolen declares that in matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.

The question of Christian names remains an insuperable barrier, but both men solemnly vow to be christened this very afternoon. Gwendolen marvels at how absurd it is to talk of the equality of the sexes when questions of self-sacrifice are concerned.

The reunion is interrupted by the terrifying entrance of Lady Bracknell, who has tracked her daughter from London by luggage train, having purchased the confidence of Gwendolen’s maid with a small coin. She is told that Gwendolen is engaged to Mr. Worthing, and Algernon to Cecily. After dispatching the matter of Mr. Bunbury—who has, Algernon assures her airily, been “quite exploded”—she turns her gimlet eye on Cecily, demanding to know whether she is connected with any of the larger railway stations in London.